Why didn't you tell me I loved you?
by brittface28
Summary: History Boys fanfic- Posner and Scripps cross. Unrequited love fulfilled. A simple one shot story of a friendship turned love.


Scripps knocked on the door. The rain was coming down hard, but he did feel the need to use his umbrella. Posner opened the door and stared, a shocked expression was panted on his face. Scripps attempted a smile in response. They stood for a while, just looking. Posner gave Scripps the once over, he was in jeans and a blazer, with an overcoat on. His hair the exact same was as it had always been. Posner's mind told his heart not to remember what had been. Scripps wanted so badly to say something, but his voice was lost. Posner was bigger than he had been, more muscular. His hair was styled and he was wearing black, think framed glasses, which paired well with his sweater and jeans. He looked very handsome.

"Hey Pos" Scripps finally managed.

"Hello Don, come in, you'll be soaked to the bone." Posner ushered him inside and took his overcoat. "Sit, I'll make some tea."

Posner left Scripps in the foyer. Not that it mattered, Scripps knew this place. Its beige walls and white trim filled his mind with warmth and invited him further inside. He walked into the common room and took a seat on the chesterfield. It had plastic wrapped on it, thanks to Mrs. Posner, underneath it had the most unique flower pattern. Scripps' eyes wondered to the bookshelf. Which was once the most used piece of furniture in the house, Posner would grab any book at random open it up and begin to read aloud. Never fail it would lull Scripps to sleep. Afterwards he found it hard to sleep without it. Now however it looked sad, it had been forgotten.

He heard the tea kettle go off and moments later Posner appeared with two cups of tea; his with no sugar and a lot of milk, Posner's with two sugars and splash of cream. For a while they sat in peaceful silence. Scripps assumed it would have been awkward, or their would have been tension, but there wasn't. Once upon a time all their bottled up emotions for and about each other had exploded like a volcano. Perhaps they had just drained everything they had then?

Finally Posner put down his almost finished tea and stood up. Scripps noticed how fuller his legs had become. Scripps blinked and Posner had become a man. Posner walked over to the record player and played a dusty album. The soft voice of Ella Fitzgerald began to play. The volume was low enough it became soothing background music. Scripps smiled he missed those care free days. Posner sat down and faced him, he looked-well there was no way to describe how he looked. His eyes were sad, but full of yearning. He also looked worried. He smiled then turned away.

Posner was trying to avoid this. These feelings, he had abandoned them so long ago. He told himself to buck up and just look at Scripps, but when he did he could feel a long forgotten ache. Scripps looked different, his face was older, almost withered. Too much stress. He didn't seem himself at all. He was like a shell, hollow but trying to continue.

"How's the newspaper?" Posner asked, he couldn't say what he wanted. Not yet.

"Oh good, I've got a column now. It's alright. Nothing spectacular. How's the school?" Scripps wanted to scream, his head was spinning with betters things to say, something like an I'm sorry, or an I was wrong. But he couldn't muster the courage.

"It's fine. We're going Alice in Wonderland for the play this season, should be nice."

A silence over came them again. They were sitting very close to each other, Posner could smell it, the aroma of Scripps. Posner loved it; it was mix of tea, soap, ink, old paper and a hint of inexpensive cologne. The ache returned, and Posner inched further away from Scripps. He just couldn't do that to himself, not again. He had no right to feel this way, he deserved the ache. Scripps noticed Posner move. He was slightly hurt, why was he moving away from him? Of course he had every right to, he could have, or rather should have turned Scripps away, back into the cold rainy night. But here they were, having tea. Scripps frowned, he wished he could apologize. Posner frowned, he wish he could apologize.

"How's your mum?" Scripps asked

"She's very well thank-you. How is your dad?" Posner sipped his tea

"Very well." Scripps ran his index finger around the rim of the tea cup, the comfortable silence was beginning to get tense.

Scripps stood up and walked to the tiny window. For some reason the builders thought it was a good idea for the front room to have one tiny window facing the street and none anywhere else in that room. Scripps leaned against the wall and watched the rain. Posner watched Scripps. He began to hum along to the song, which, in a perfect coincidence happened to be "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" Posner quietly sang along.

"Your voice was always so beautiful" Scripps said

"Thank-you" he wanted to say that it sounded best accompanied by his playing, but he had best decided not say anything.

"I'm…" Scripps started, but his voice was lost. He just stared out the window. He looked vacant and sad.

"Are you hungry? I was going to call out for take away?" Posner suggested as he stood up "Or if you prefer I can whip up some sandwiches?"

"No, I came here for a reason." Scripps turned around, he couldn't bring himself to look into Posner's eyes.

"Don…" Posner started, he became nervous. What did Scripps want? He was so happy Scripps was here, he forgot to wonder why. But now fear crept into his mind, what could he say that he hadn't already said?

"Pos-David, sit." Scripps stood firm while Posner sat down. He was trying hard to muster every last drop of courage he had, there had to be some somewhere? "I'm sorry." He breathed.

"No I am--" Posner said quickly, but Scripps cut him off.

"Let me finish, please. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have… it was cruel and uncalled for." He breathed again. He had spent the better part of the morning practising in his mirror, he did not want to mess this up.

"I shouldn't have-" Posner started, but Scripps continued, but he was looking at the carpet.

"Here's the thing, I wasn't angry, well I was but not at you-at myself. There you were, my best friend, and you were telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. And that scared me. I became frustrated and angry, how could I let something like that happen? I just couldn't handle the truth, so I left. And there hasn't been a day where I've gone without regretting it." Scripps finally looked up, only to see Posner with tears on his cheeks.

"Don…I…" Posner turned away "'My dead Love's living smile'" he said quietly.

"Sorry?" Scripps asked

"Thomas Hardy. The night after the fight, after you left, I went to the bookshelf and picked a book, it happened to be Thomas Hardy's collection. I turned to a random page and the poem that was there was 'Her Immortality'. It spoke about a man who saw his dead love, and how he wanted to die to be with her, but she told him to keep going. To keep living because as long as he lived, she lived in his heart. That night I was so upset. You were my closet friend I didn't understand how you could walk away so easily. I understood what you thought of me and my feelings, but after all those years of friendship…it hurt. I wanted to die, I felt no reason to continue. But then I read that, and I thought that as long as I had your memories, perhaps I would be okay."

Scripps' heart broke, he had caused Posner so much pain, how could he ever make it up to him? How could they ever move on? Posner wiped away the tears. He had caused Scripps so much grief, how could Scripps ever forgive him? How could he ever forgive himself? They both had so much to say, they had just scratched the surface of the things that needed to be resolved. But they just couldn't, there was so much, where would they start?

Scripps took the initiative and sat down beside Posner. "You didn't understand me. I hated myself for loving you. I was able to ignore it, until that night. After that I just couldn't accept it."

"Love can be irritating" Posner sighed.

"I've learned. Pos' do you get it? I love you." Scripps grabbed Posner's hands and clasped them between his. He finally looked deep into Posner's eyes and what happened was exactly what he was afraid of: he fell.

He fell deeper into his personal pit of despair. The despair was the deep and

unrequited love he felt for Posner. The yearning of his heart made his soul ache. He needed Posner, more than he could ever explain. It had been five years since he left, ten years since grammar school, and he still could barely function without thinking of Posner. Little did he know Posner felt the same way. Posner had once loved the egotistical Dakin and had bonded with Scripps during that time. What he didn't realize was all the while he was falling in love. It happened so slowly he barely noticed, until one spring evening the thought popped into his head and did not leave until the fall, when one morning the words just escaped from his lips. Truly they had always been there, patiently waiting to be seen, to be heard.

Posner looked into Scripps eyes, the ache was there, but there butterflies that were slowly taking over.

"I…you…really?" he managed to murmur. Scripps smiled, a real smile finally. That was all he was waiting for. His empty shell began to fill as his heart began to beat faster.

"I love you." He said, "I love you." He repeated, so there would be no mistake about his feelings. "I'm sorry it took me so long, I should have known, you should have told me."

"Don, I can't." Posner looked away. He was so in love, but he couldn't be. His heart could not handle it, one more crack and it would shatter and then it could never be repaired. Scripps dropped Posner's hands and stood up.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He slowly turned to walk out the door he had to go before he made an even bigger fool of himself. He felt a hand grab his arm, and turn him around.

Posner was there in front of him, he had a look of worry-full excitement. Posner inched forward, Scripps felt an urge to step back, but he resisted it. Scripps moved his hands to Posner's face, removed his glasses and caressed his cheek slowly. The butterflies began to grow. Posner closed his eyes and after a few seconds opened them slowly, he put his arm on Scripps's hip and his other one he ran through Scripps's hair. Scripps let out a deep exhale. He bit his lip in anticipation. Posner let his desire take over him and, rather harshly kissed Scripps. It was a flawed, but perfect first kiss. Both nervous, both scared, but yet so in love. At first Scripps felt the need to stop, but he gave into his longing and let it happen. He held onto Posner's back, he felt that if he eased up for a second it would all end, and he couldn't loose this.

When the kiss ended, they stood still embracing just looking at each other. Neither knew what to do, or how to move. Eventually they found themselves curled up together on the chesterfield. Posner resting perfectly in Scripps's arms, his head on his chest, with Scripps slowly stroking his hair.

"What will your mother think of this?" Posner asked

"You know, I think she won't mind too terribly."

"And God?" Posner asked the question he was afraid to know the answer too. He looked up at Scripps, who was looking out the window. It was almost morning the sun was beginning to rise, and peak shyly through the clouds.

"For once I don't care. I think He, they, everyone should just be happy that I'll finally be happy. I've finally found love."

"We've finally found each other" Posner corrected him.

Nothing could top that moment, that perfect feeling of content and love. It was a brief moment in time, but it was they would cherish forever. That moment would help them get through the darkest times in the years to come, together.


End file.
